The Knitting Fiend

Folks say I’m stupid.
I always wished I was smart:
I knit me some brains!

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This pattern¹ was discussed at the weekly meeting of “The Diabolical Knitters”. It was discussed², and discussed³ and discussed.⁴ There were so many things to say⁵ or ask.⁶ I’m sure you can imagine many of our comments on your own.⁷

What you can’t dream up are the 11, yes 11, pattern notes. Some were more or less normal (like, you know, “knit a gauge swatch”.) Others were, well… Here are notes 1 and 5-8:

1. Use only Reynolds yarns in the color combinations and textures indicated in the instructions. NO SUBSTITUTIONS. These combinations have been carefully designed for fit, color and weight.
(. . . )
5. DO NOT deviate from instructions.
6. NEVER stop in the middle of a row.
7. ALWAYS join new yarns in the middle of the row. (NEVER in the middle of a row — as this causes bulky sewing in of ends.)
8. Bind off firmly with medium tension–NEVER bind off tightly.

What’s with the ALL CAPS? Beats me! They were right there printed in the pattern notes. The pattern police must have been busy in 1967.

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Footnotes:
1. It’s from “Modern Needlecraft” 1967.
2. Some think it’s uglier than The Chicken Viking hat.
3. Others think the Chicken Viking Hat is worse.
4. Many agree that at least those who knit The Chicken Viking hat know it’s ugly.
5. No, we don’t think you can eat soup wearing these sleeves.
6. The gauge? It’s 6 st=5″.
7. Yes, some of us old timers own needles that could be used to knit this. If you’re lucky, we’ll show you.