The Knitting Fiend

 

Aunt Ann needs to know,
“What else is in Vogue Knitting?”
A boob bow sweater.

 

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Designer A, “You know, I like to consider both flat chested and curvy women when designing knitwear.” Designer B, “Of course!”

Designer A, “After all, women come in all shapes and sizes.” Designer B, “Indeed they do!”

Designer A, “Yes. So I think I’ll put a humongonourmous bow over the boobs.” Designer B, “Absolutely! That will make all women look bad!”

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I’m liking the Designer A, Designer B debates, so I’m just running both. Who knows, I may start alternating.

I was wondering if anyone can suggest pretentious names for the designers. (Extra points if no one can’t tell if the names belong to men or women.)

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Oh! If you love this sweater, the pattern appears in Vogue Knitting, Holiday 2006.

I’m a lucky gal;
I don’t have to knit this thing.
It makes my brain hurt!

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Designer A, “Vogue Knitting wants us to design something using Koigu.” Designer B, “How about socks?”

A, “No, they want something big and impressive that uses 36 skeins of Koigu PPPM! “, B, “How about a really big shawl?”

A, “Something never done before!”

Designer B dashes to the table, grabs a bunch of crayons, creates a sketch, and shows it to designer A. A exclaims, “Hey! That’s really something!”

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You may wonder: But why does it make your brain hurt? The pattern includes two somewhat frightening instructions:

1. “Place knit hexagons on the papter in the manner they are on the graph. (This would be less scary if I could find the graph.)
2. “On another piece of paper, cut out the negative spaces between hexagons. Knit these shapes in garter stitch in color #4000 by increasing or decreasing, as the case may be, to match the shapes you are knitting.” (Translation: The instructions for knitting the black filled in bits are impossible to write; figure out how to knit the black part and finish the darn sweater coat on your own! )

Elegant black pearls
simple and understated:
unlike the sweater.

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Once again, imagine the conversation between designers:

Designer A, “You know, I don’t care what anyone says, I like complicated sweaters!” Designer B,”You bet!”

A, “And you know, I just love to combine loads of expensive yarns!” B, “Absolutely!”

A, “But you know, the hip bobbles in our last design didn’t go over very well.” B, “No. . . But we need to do something to make this sweater stand out in the crowd.”

A, “I know! Let’s use fun fur!” B, “Brilliant!”

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The pattern is from Gedifra. I priced the yarn; if I calculated correctly, the materials to knit this cost $222. This does not include the cost of the pattern, needles or other reusable items.