It is notable that not one defense expert was able to explain how the supernatural action suggested by ID could be anything other than an inherently religious proposition.

It would seem the judge thinks intelligent design is “an inherently religious proposition.”

Fancy that?

In accordance with the view that intelligent design ( ID) is inherently religious, the judge ruled the Dover, Pa school board cannot require teachers to teach I.D. (In case you are wondering, this judge was appointed by George W. Bush; so one might presume he leans conservative.)

Read more at fellow knitter Jake’s blog ( Jaköbische Rants.)

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Here are directions to let you help your tangled yarn rematerialize in the same way. (Tip: Many of the techniques I use are illustrated when I knit my earflap hat.)

Size: The size of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) depends on your yarn gauge. I used worsted weight yarn and my FSM is about 5″ across.

Materials: Five Double Pointed Needles US size 5; 2 ounces worsted weight yarn in “pasta” color and small amounts of “meatball” color, white and black. Some waste yarn. Tapestry needle. Fiberfill.

Abbreviations:

• kfb= knit into front and back of same stitch; (see kfb lesson.)
• ssk: Slip knitwise, slip knitwise, slide back on left needle, knit both together.
• k2tog: Knit two together.

Directions:

Lower Body:
Begin: With waste yarn cast on 8 stitches. Knit 1 row. Break yarn. (You will remove this later.) Distribute stitches on 4 double pointed needles; you will knit with the fifth needle.

You will now knit around and around increasing at 8 points.

• Round 1: Attach “pasta” colored yarn; kfb into every stitch — 16 stitches. (Place a safety pin to mark beginning or round.)
• Round 2: * kfb, k1; repeat from * — 24 stitches.
• Round 3: knit every stitch.
• Round 4: *kfb, k2; repeat from * — 32 stitches.
• Round 5: *kfb, k3; repeat from * — 40 stitches.
• Round 6: knit every stitch.
• Round 7: *kfb , k4; repeat from * — 48 stitches.
• Round 8: *kfb , k5; repeat from * — 56 stitches.
• Round 9: knit every stitch.
• Round 11: *kfb , k6; repeat from * — 64 stitches.
• Round 12: knit every stitch.
• Round 13: *kfb , k7; repeat from * — 72 stitches.
• Round 14: knit every stitch.

You’ve finished the lower body. You will now divide the work in two and begin to form the part with the eyestalks. It’s easiest to work the first eyestalk over the 36 stitches on the two DPN’s you just finished knitting; that way you won’t need to break the yarn yet. Place the stitches on the other two of the DPNs on a stitch holder. (I used a strand of yarn.)

Redistribute the stitches currently on 2 DPNs onto 3 DPNs, placing 12 stitches on each needle. The free end of the yarn should be placed near the left tip of one of the needles. Cast on 12 stitches, and place these on a fourth DPN. You should have 12 stitches on each of 4 DPNs.

If you examine the photo to the right, the new cast on stitches will span the lower body as indicated by the blue line. Later, you’ll seam this cast on to cast on stitches for the other stalk. For now, you’ll knit around and around as indicated with the green curve. You will work double decreases at 4 points to flatten out the top.

Shape top:

• Rows 1 and 2: Knit 2 rounds.
• Round 3: SSK, knit until 2 stitches remain before next needle, k2tog. Repeat to end of round. ( 40 stitches remain — 10 on each needle.)
• Round 4: Knit every stitch.
• Repeat rounds 3 and 4 until only 8 stitches remain. (There will be two stitches on each needle.)
• Knit 9 rounds. (Note: I removed these from the 4 needles and placed them on two needles and knit tubular. When I finished, this part, I redistributed on 4 needles.)
• Break pasta colored yarn. Attach white.
• Row 1: kfb into each stitch –16 stitches.
• Rows 2-5: Knit all stitches.
• Row 6: k2 tog; repeat around. –8 stitches.
  Break yarn, thread tapestry needle and draw through all loops to close tightly. Anchor, hide yarn inside eyeball.

Shape second top:
Pick up the stitches on the holder, and repeat upper shaping to create the other eyestalk.

Finish body:
Thread tapestry needle with yarn tail near the waste yarn cast on, run through the heels of the 8 cast on stitches. Snip waste yarn to remove and draw the little hole closed. Stuff monster body with fiberfill; pack the stalks gently, but pack extra wads into the eyes to make them bulge. Thread tapestry needle with the yarn hanging near the bottom of the white eyes; weave in and out of the row of stitches just below the eye and pull to make the bottom of the eye tighten more. Anchor yarn, and hide the yarn tail in the eye stalk. Sew the cast on stitches between the eyestalk tops portions together to close the FSM up. Embroider a pupil with black yarn.

Noodly appendages:
Make twelve 4 stitch wide pieces of i-cord. Test length by holding to the top of the monster and hanging them down; mine are about 10″ long. Distribute around the top of FSM and sew on using the yarn tails.

Meatballs:
With meatball colored yarn, begin working as for body. Bind off when there are 32 stitches on the needle. Sew onto body of FSM, but stuff with some fiberfill before sewing shut.

Tidy up, hide all loose ends of yarn. Attach a some sort of string and dangle out of reach of playful cats.

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These noodly appendages have appeared.

We wait and hope his meatballs will grace our table.

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I recently saw his image, and became possessed with the desire to knit something in his divine likeness.

This desire grew into a compulsion. Last night, I found myself casting on during our guild meeting. I fell into a Zen like trace, and these noodly appendages formed on my needles.

What can this mean?  

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Technorati has a blog finder in beta, but it seems seriously flawed. English Cut is listed as the blog that has the “most authority” for the tag knitting Now I’m actually quite a fan of that blog, and have linked to it before, but it seems oddly placed in the knitting category, especially because it doesn’t seem to have a single post that contains the word knitting. It makes me wonder about what other blog finder categories are similarly screwy.

Yes. It’s flawed.

My blog is listed 7th on their Knitting blog list; that’s not too bizarre. But, here’s the really odd thing: I’m 3rd on their list for “intelligent design”!

Why? As far as I can tell, Technorati just counts total links from other blogs with no attempt to see if the other blogs that have linked to you are “about” the same subject. By their reckoning, 70 blogs link to me, and that’s all their blog ranker cares about.

So what that I’ve only blogged about intelligent design something like 3 times. I’m “authoritative”!

I suspect once a fair number of people have claimed blogs and also are using tags, Technorati will figure out they need to only count the blog links from blogs that post on the subject at hand. So, my 68 or so knitting links, and two miscellaneous non-knitting links won’t make me an “authority” on ID just because I discussed the Spaghetti Monster a few times.

Meanwhile, for some reason, Technorati recently stopped noticing my tags when I post. Maybe that will magically fix itself when I upgrade to WordPress 1.5.3? Sigh. . .

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As I research the subject, my conviction deepens. As part of my research, I surf blogs. Imagine my delight when I came across an article with the title Stuff at “When Knitting Was a Manly Art”; Jerry’s article included a link to this important New Yorker news story: Intelligent Design.

As a read the New Yorker article, a bright light appeared to me and this thought popped into my head:

I was then visited this trinity of tangled spirits:

The Giant Spaghetti Monster.

As first revealed to Bobby Henderson; it was The Giant Spaghetti Monster who created the earth and its flora and fauna. He nurtures the plants that sustain us. He ordered humankind to till the earth, sow grains, cultivate herbs and raise animals so we could prepare pesto fettuccini.

We invoke his name each time we eat pasta and slurp the tangly noodles into our mouths. Ramen.

The Rewound Yarn Goddess.

Behold, she who clothes us!

The Rewound Yarn Goddess guided our eyes to see farm animals covered in fur. She taught us to harvest the fur, spin, weave, knit or crochet it into fabric. Textile production lead to higher thought processes, prodding us to envision binary codes and invent nifty things like the Jacquard loom.

Thank the Goddess who, in her infinite wisdom, guided us to develop the basis for computing. Ever may we cross our needles in her honor!

The Jumbly Wire Wizard.

This ever present, silently conducting, sexually ambiguous, and when tightly wound, highly magnetic entity conveys power to servers across the planet. Its appendages permit mere mortals to download pesto recipes and knitting patterns from a far, helping us fulfill the commands of the its sibling deities, the Spaghetti Monster and the Yarn Goddess.

Can we not see how this electrical Wizard magically transforms the binary codes inspired by the Yarn Goddess herself and ultimately brings mortal beings . . . blogs?

Pray this incarnate being electrifies our planet in perpetuity!

May it ever be so. Ramen!

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“Because Darwin’s theory is a theory, it continues to be tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact…Intelligent Design is an explanation of the origin of life that differs from Darwin’s view.”

(Source The Wall Street Journal.

I don’t know about you, but I’m all for it! It is important for students to learn that scientific theories are tested against evidence and refined over time. They should consider the possibility that technology will progress more rapidly by attributing all open questions to the existence of a “intelligent actor” who cased things to be this way.

In fact, it’s so wonderful, I think highschool science teachers should begin their discussion of gravity with this:

“Because Newtons’s theory is a theory, it continues to be tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact…Intelligent Gravitation is an explanation of gravitational attraction and celestial mechanics that differs from Newton’s view.

They should begin discussion of genetics with this:

“Because Mendel’s theory is a theory, it continues to be tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact…Intelligent Breeding is an explanation of inheritance that differs from Mendel’s view.

Their discussion of chemistry should begin with this:

“Because Dalton and Rutherford’s theories are theories, they continues to be tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact…Intelligent Substantiation is an explanation of matter that differs from Dalton’s view.

Their discussion of continental drift should begin with this:

“Because Wegener’s theory is a theory, it continues to be tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact…Intelligent Continental Motion is an explanation of continental drift that differs from Wegener’s view.

Their discussion of thermodynamics with this:

“Because Carnot’s theory is a theory, it continues to be tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact…Intelligent Manipulation of Heat and Work is an explanation of power generation and refrigeration that differs from Carnot’s view.

Turning to math, I think teachers should add this:

“Because Pythagoras’s theory is a theory, it continues to be tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact…Intelligent Triangulation is an explanation of the lengths of sides of triangles that differs from Pythagoras’s view.

I think starting high school science classes with questions like these will kick-start math and science education in this country.

Questioning is good. Who knows? Maybe perpetual motion machines are possible.

• Wikipedia (Theory of Gravity) (Note: New page loads mysteriously slowly. You can resize.)
• General Relativity
• Theory of Chromosomal Inheritence.
• Philosophy of Thermal Physics. (Note: New page loads slowly.)
• The Theory of Plate Tectonics. (Note: New page loads slowly.)
• Atomic theory. (Note: New page loads slowly.)
• Later developments in atomic theory.

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