The Knitting Fiend/ Diet Diary

From U.S. District Judge John E. Jones III decision in the Dover intelligent design trial:

It is notable that not one defense expert was able to explain how the supernatural action suggested by ID could be anything other than an inherently religious proposition.

It would seem the judge thinks intelligent design is “an inherently religious proposition.”

Fancy that?

In accordance with the view that intelligent design ( ID) is inherently religious, the judge ruled the Dover, Pa school board cannot require teachers to teach I.D. (In case you are wondering, this judge was appointed by George W. Bush; so one might presume he leans conservative.)

Read more at fellow knitter Jake’s blog ( Jaköbische Rants.)

The rewound yarn goddess has rematerialized to take on Flying Spaghetti Monster form!

Here are directions to let you help your tangled yarn rematerialize in the same way. (Tip: Many of the techniques I use are illustrated when I knit my earflap hat.)

Size: The size of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) depends on your yarn gauge. I used worsted weight yarn and my FSM is about 5″ across.

Materials: Five Double Pointed Needles US size 5; 2 ounces worsted weight yarn in “pasta” color and small amounts of “meatball” color, white and black. Some waste yarn. Tapestry needle. Fiberfill.

Abbreviations:

• kfb= knit into front and back of same stitch; (see kfb lesson.)
• ssk: Slip knitwise, slip knitwise, slide back on left needle, knit both together.
• k2tog: Knit two together.

Directions:

Lower Body:
Begin: With waste yarn cast on 8 stitches. Knit 1 row. Break yarn. (You will remove this later.) Distribute stitches on 4 double pointed needles; you will knit with the fifth needle.

You will now knit around and around increasing at 8 points.

• Round 1: Attach “pasta” colored yarn; kfb into every stitch — 16 stitches. (Place a safety pin to mark beginning or round.)
• Round 2: * kfb, k1; repeat from * — 24 stitches.
• Round 3: knit every stitch.
• Round 4: *kfb, k2; repeat from * — 32 stitches.
• Round 5: *kfb, k3; repeat from * — 40 stitches.
• Round 6: knit every stitch.
• Round 7: *kfb , k4; repeat from * — 48 stitches.
• Round 8: *kfb , k5; repeat from * — 56 stitches.
• Round 9: knit every stitch.
• Round 11: *kfb , k6; repeat from * — 64 stitches.
• Round 12: knit every stitch.
• Round 13: *kfb , k7; repeat from * — 72 stitches.
• Round 14: knit every stitch.

You’ve finished the lower body. You will now divide the work in two and begin to form the part with the eyestalks. It’s easiest to work the first eyestalk over the 36 stitches on the two DPN’s you just finished knitting; that way you won’t need to break the yarn yet. Place the stitches on the other two of the DPNs on a stitch holder. (I used a strand of yarn.)

Redistribute the stitches currently on 2 DPNs onto 3 DPNs, placing 12 stitches on each needle. The free end of the yarn should be placed near the left tip of one of the needles. Cast on 12 stitches, and place these on a fourth DPN. You should have 12 stitches on each of 4 DPNs.

If you examine the photo to the right, the new cast on stitches will span the lower body as indicated by the blue line. Later, you’ll seam this cast on to cast on stitches for the other stalk. For now, you’ll knit around and around as indicated with the green curve. You will work double decreases at 4 points to flatten out the top.

Shape top:

• Rows 1 and 2: Knit 2 rounds.
• Round 3: SSK, knit until 2 stitches remain before next needle, k2tog. Repeat to end of round. ( 40 stitches remain — 10 on each needle.)
• Round 4: Knit every stitch.
• Repeat rounds 3 and 4 until only 8 stitches remain. (There will be two stitches on each needle.)
• Knit 9 rounds. (Note: I removed these from the 4 needles and placed them on two needles and knit tubular. When I finished, this part, I redistributed on 4 needles.)
• Break pasta colored yarn. Attach white.
• Row 1: kfb into each stitch –16 stitches.
• Rows 2-5: Knit all stitches.
• Row 6: k2 tog; repeat around. –8 stitches.
  Break yarn, thread tapestry needle and draw through all loops to close tightly. Anchor, hide yarn inside eyeball.

Shape second top:
Pick up the stitches on the holder, and repeat upper shaping to create the other eyestalk.

Finish body:
Thread tapestry needle with yarn tail near the waste yarn cast on, run through the heels of the 8 cast on stitches. Snip waste yarn to remove and draw the little hole closed. Stuff monster body with fiberfill; pack the stalks gently, but pack extra wads into the eyes to make them bulge. Thread tapestry needle with the yarn hanging near the bottom of the white eyes; weave in and out of the row of stitches just below the eye and pull to make the bottom of the eye tighten more. Anchor yarn, and hide the yarn tail in the eye stalk. Sew the cast on stitches between the eyestalk tops portions together to close the FSM up. Embroider a pupil with black yarn.

Noodly appendages:
Make twelve 4 stitch wide pieces of i-cord. Test length by holding to the top of the monster and hanging them down; mine are about 10″ long. Distribute around the top of FSM and sew on using the yarn tails.

Meatballs:
With meatball colored yarn, begin working as for body. Bind off when there are 32 stitches on the needle. Sew onto body of FSM, but stuff with some fiberfill before sewing shut.

Tidy up, hide all loose ends of yarn. Attach a some sort of string and dangle out of reach of playful cats.